On a crisp day at the Malvern Autumn Show, a British farmer, Graham Barratt, rolled up with what looked like the hulk of root vegetables—a 13-pound celeriac so large it might have its own gravitational pull. Forget your regular supermarket produce; this celeriac could probably bench press a pumpkin.
Barratt, who hails from Gloucester, had been cultivating his monstrous veg with a mix of love, determination, and what we can only assume is a secret fertilizing cocktail passed down through generations. When Guinness World Records confirmed his celeriac was officially the heaviest in the world, there was no slow clap—just uproarious cheers (pun intended).
“It’s either weight or length for giant veg, but it’s not beauty,” Barratt shared, throwing shade at those veggies just trying to win the “prettiest plant” category. “Some of them are quite ugly,” he added, fully aware that his celeriac could star in a horror film.
But don’t let its bumpy exterior fool you—this vegetable is a certified champ. It’s basically the Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson of the root world, bulky and a little intimidating but loved by all.
This wasn’t Barratt’s first attempt at vegetable greatness. He also brought along a cucumber so big, it could be mistaken for a submarine. At 29 pounds, it was just one sad pound away from another world record. “That’s just how cruel the business is at times,” Barratt sighed, as though discussing a cutthroat vegetable mafia. His cucumber might have been a contender, but this is high-stakes veggie showbiz, where only the largest, weirdest plants survive.
Backstage, the celeriac—now affectionately dubbed “The Beast” by onlookers—was reportedly preparing for its post-show career. There are whispers that it could land a role in a Netflix special about the world’s most fascinating plants, or maybe even a spot on “Dancing with the Veggies.”
For now, Barratt’s celeriac stands proudly as the heavyweight champion of the world—well, at least in the celeriac category. It’s a victory not just for Barratt but for all those who believe in the power of giant produce. Who knows? Maybe next year, we’ll see a zucchini the size of a small car.
As for the cucumber? It’s considering therapy.
